Paula and Steve's Misery Site Jokes

Joke 1

A man goes into a builders yard and asks for 55,000 bricks.

The man says "are you building a mansion"

"No" the first man says "I am building a barbeque."

Second man says " you don't need 55,000 bricks for a barbeque"

First man " you do if you live on the 14th floor"

From James aged 11,

More jokes at www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~shubo

Joke 2

A sailor dies and goes to hell. Satan is wandering about doing his rounds and comes across the sailor lazing about generally having a good time.

"Hi Satan" says the sailor "Nice day", being used to the heat of the boiler room.

Satan is most put out by this and goes to turn the heat up.

Next day he comes across the sailor again who's having just as good a time as yesterday.

"Hi Satan" he says "Lovely day again?"

Satan is fuming (I'll cut this down a bit) and decides he'll sort the sailor out by turning the heat down. Right down, right right down to below zero. So now he goes looking for the sailor.

When he finds him the sailor says " I see Everton must have won the league then?"

Bryan (No age given)

Joke 3

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

Thanks to Rachel

Lots of love, Daddy

Joke 4

Skeleton goes to the Doktor.
Doktor says, "It is too late, Ja?"

Thanks to:

Robin T,

For his German Joke

Joke 6

The brunette goes to the doctor for her problem, the PA
hands her a gown for her to change into and shows her into
a room where she can change. Soon afterward the doctor
comes and says, "Well, young lady, what seems to be the
problem?"
"I'm not sure,doctor, all I know is that if I touch my forehead it
hurts. If I touch my shoulder it hurts, anything I touch, my
elbow, my chest, my knee, they all hurt."

The doctor looks at
her closely and asks, "Your hair color, wasn't it originally
blonde?

The brunette says, "Well, yes it was, but what has
that got to do with anything?"
"Your fingers broken", replied the doctor.

Thanks to Claire&Sonny

(A bit sexist, that one)

Joke 7

A duck walks into a pet store and asks the sales clerk if he has any duck food. The clerk informs the duck that they did not have any duck food. The duck said thank you to the clerk and left the store.

The very next day the same duck walks into the same pet store and asks the same sales clerk if he has any duck food. The clerk informs the duck that they did not have any duck food because they didn't sell duck food.

The following day the same duck walks into the pet store and asks the sales clerk if he has any duck food. This time clerk is very angry with the duck.

The clerk said "Listen to me DUCK we have dog food, cat food, bird, snake and fish food but NONONO duck food! Now leave or else I will put you in a cage and sell YOU".

The next day the poor hungry duck walked into the store and said to the clerk "Do you have any extra cages?" The furious clerk screamed "No!!!I don't have ANY cages!" "Great!" said the duck "then do you have any duck food.'

Thanks to: Paula at ptkonz@students.wisc.edu